Relationship Reading Assignment

For this class, you must either read “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work” by John Gottman . Copies of these books are available at the bookstores or online through Amazon and Barnes and Nobles. Using an electronic version is also acceptable.
You must complete an insight paper by answering the following questions. Please use Times New Roman or Calibri 12 point font, 1 inch margins. Each question should take about one page to answer, so your final paper should be about 10-15 pages. Depending on the nature of the question, you may answer in bullet point or paragraph form. The questions are asked in order they are found in the books, so you may find it easier to answer each question after you have read the particular section. Submit both an online copy to blackboard and hand in a hard copy to in class by October 4th. Be sure to answer all parts of the questions. For up to 20 pts extra credit you may read and complete the insight paper on the other book. Extra credit is due by November 23rd.
“The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work”
1. Describe the Seattle Love Lab, the research behind the 7 Principles and how Dr. John Gottman predicts divorce.
2. Describe Love Maps, how they help to build knowledge about each partners inner world, and explain how to do the exercise.
3. Explain how to nurture Fondness and Admiration and why it is important.
4. Describe emotional bids for connection, how one may respond to bids and the importance of turning towards one another instead of away.
5. Explain why it is important to let one partner influence the other, and why it is especially important for a husband to accept his wife’s influence.
6. Describe the two types of marital conflict and explain the difference between them.
7. Explain softened startup, repair attempts, self soothing techniques and how to find compromise in order to solve solvable problems.
8. Describe how to cope with solvable problems.
9. Identify gridlocked problems, explain how to talk about Dreams-Within-Conflict, and describe how a couple can soothe each other.
10. Describe how a couple can create shared meaning.
11. Relate a principle from this book and how it could be used to improve a non-romantic relationship such as a parent-child relationship.

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