ROMANTIC LOVE AND HAPPINESS
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Introduction
The concept of romance and love is least understood in the human psyche because many psychologists believe that it just happens but there is a supportive fact that it clearly resists understanding or it is impossible to express. There are concepts that we can present in romantic love and happiness and by its ideas about romantic love empowers us rather than corrupting love through measured examination.
According to Kai and Jens (2010), many people face a problem in interpreting ambiguous situations that relates to love and romance (p.1017). Many people use different hints to start a relationship. These include looks, smiles, and gestures among many other cues. However, these cues are not appropriate instruments of determining whether the relationship once formed will sail on smoothly. Lust is one of the factors that drive people into relationships and in most cases such relationships does not last long (Jens, Amina, & Kai, 2010, p. 237). Those relationships that are formed as a result of lust do not last longer and parties are unhappy because they do not understand the needs and interests of the other partner. According to Gian, Martie, Julie, Mari sian, & Joshua (2008) a partners that feels romantic love to another partner suppresses the thinking of an alternative attractive mates (p. 119). A partner that loves or has feelings of love will not be carried away by the beauty or attractiveness of another person. The reason behind this is that such a partner is engrossed and is psychologically occupied by his/her lover. Romantic love therefore, contributes to the commitment and reduction of infidelity among couples. Partners who trust one another as a result of the feeling of romantic love have higher chances of sticking to one another and in the long run they live comfortable and happy.
Romantic love is a sense of clarification. Romantic love has several definitions from how people view its application. Psychologists have analyzed romantic love and happiness using different criteria on theories and types of love. What are the ideas related by romantic love? In 1978 a psychologist Elaine Hatfield commented on two perspectives of passion and love as the state of longing union and compassionate love as the affection towards these whom we are intensely entangled. The concepts support the ideas on romantic love and happiness. The reason as to why we understand romantic love and happiness is because there are cultural scripts that introduce anxiety, self-consciousness, affection and overwhelming disillusionment.
We have heard these scripts since our childhood. According to Lieberman (2002) gives examples on the importance of the fairy tale story for instance they shaped a girl with all the expectations required as a woman. But there is one of the essays he wrote about romantic love on the fairy tale stories and expressed that some of this stories had a happy ending therefore they link with the romantic love concepts that meaning that it leads to happiness. The main theme in the fairy stories is that partners are happy when actions are good even though not fully happy because the happiness is emphasized but never shown. Johnson (1983) explores some Cultural fundamentals of romantic love on the basis of psychological essence and meaning. He points on some, structural ideas of love, for instance he asserts that being in love gives us the status of being complete (p.52).
For any relationship to develop mutually, romance is an important factor. A relationship build without the support of romantic love is truly not worthy. According to Johnson (1983), romantic love is only true in relationships when it is only maintained. Couples that have been together for long have something to comment on the encounter of romantic love which represents the willingness to include the ordinary life with a partner. According to this, it is true because love can be evaluated. If romantic love is destructive and irrational, then why does it happen? Kai and Jens (2010) explain this perspective as a biological reaction as we set standards of attraction to the desirable sexual partners. Therefore, there is a sense for a person to lust on the desirable partner but the question is why we don’t become lime rant over the partners?
This question is explained by the way we view the dimensions of romantic love and happiness. Limerence is triggered through generic fitness and setting such as physical attractiveness in which every person has a different view. For instance, we can be attracted or repelled because on the basis of our relationships or closeness that people have since our hormones or body odor are significance as to why sex exists with a genetic variation. Therefore this means that lime race us an evolutionary adaption. Many of us have experienced the dynamics of irrationality of limerance in its worse condition, but in the roots of romantic love happiness is represented in all paradoxical ways. Culture defines all the fundamentals of romantic love: and may be they have evolutionary keystones it does not mean we get stuck to such ideologies. If we decide to incorporate some certain ideologies in our partners to assume that romantic love is expressed in the form of the fairy tales then I believe that our partners will not be in an a position to make us happy. Limerence may be a concept of starting a relationship but at some point the partners should be willing to view each other’s individualism. The basic of a strong relationship is through love that comes from the weaknesses we have as human beings.
Theory of love
Psychologists and researchers have developed different analysis that shows the concepts of love. Love is an emotion towards something. Theories have been explored to explain the dynamism of love in different perception. According to Psychologists Zink Rubin, love consists of three different compositions, caring, intimacy and the attachment. Attachment in romantic love results to giving and receiving care through physical contact with another person. Caring is the way a person values another person in terms, of needs and happiness. Intimacy is the strategy used in the sharing thoughts, ideas and feelings.
Love has two concepts that are passionate and compassionate love (Lopez, 2011). Mutual respect and attachment are the characteristics of compassionate love. Compassionate love results as a process of mutual feelings and understanding. Emotional features and sexual attraction are characteristic of passionate love. When emotions are included in love field the partners feel fulfilled and elated. Passionate love occurs as a result of cultural expectations that encourage people to fall in love and is not long lasting. The road to love starts with passionate love that leads to compassionate love (Lopez, 2011). Most people desire a secure and stable relationship with a lot of passionate. Hartsfield assets that this concept is not defined by the human love dynamism, therefore it is very rare.
According to John Lee book, The Clouds of Love (1973), he introduces love to the colors of wheel, for instance the three primary colors and secondary colors. The three primary colors of love include; Eros represents loving a perfect person, ludos is love being a game, and storge love as relationship. These colors become complementary colors in the secondary colors are developed. Mania, meaning compulsive love and pragmatic meaning faithful and practical love and agape meaning generous love
The triangular theory of love was defined by a psychologist known as Robert Sternberg who expressed three ideas of complete love, intimacy, commitment and passion. The combination of these components results to a variety of kinds of love for instance, when intimacy is combined with commitment then compassionate love is developed. Therefore, his argument was development on structuring relationship with more than two elements for durability that described a single component. Therefore when the three components are included in a relationship then perfection is developed; therefore this type of love according to Sternberg is very rare.
Culture and close relationship on Psychology applied to modern life:
Cross cultural perspectives on relationships are distinguished by romantic love. Romantic love is experienced in all cultures but there is a variance in the cultural romantic love on happiness. According to Robin & Pamela (1994) marriage for love is a representation of expression of individualism (p.315). Culture views romantic love and marriage as a link to the countries values and economic health. According to a research done to college students from different backgrounds, they were asked to explain if they would get married to a man despite the fact that they were not in love but the fact that the man had all the qualities. The results showed that most students who have a higher standard of living probably gave a negative answer while students from collectivist values and lower standards of living gave the answer as a yes. According to some cross cultural investigation for instance the American and the Italians fairness love and happiness with various emotions. The western countries hold a view of collectivist cultures on romantic love and happiness on arranged marriages resulting to marital relationship. Marriages that are based on romantic love are mostly practiced by the western culture whereas marriages based on the arranged marriage are among the collectivist cultures.
People have different life satisfaction and happiness in relation to love. Shiri & Hadassah (2011) notes different people have different views when falling in love but hope is one of the key attributes that many people have in their relationships (p.1050). Before falling in love and even after entering into a relationship, people wish or hope for the best, they yearn to lead a happy life with their spouses or lovers.
Types of love
Love is viewed as a diverse concept supported by different opinion to relate its ideas to meaningful positions. There are different types of love, include romantic love, limerance, consummate love and unrequited love. Romantic love is one type of love and it involves strong emotions and having the basic components of passion and intimacy. Consummate love includes passion, intimacy and commitment. Unrequited love is expressed by a partner and rejected by another partner. Limerance love is the love that occurs between people with the urge to fulfill intimacy and desires.
The question is how personality plays a role in romantic love and happiness? Physical attractive is an attribution to a partner. It is not an important element in romantic love but simply because a person is attractive there are possibly positive characteristics attributed to them. Research shows that physical attractiveness of a person represents a choice of the persons section of a romantic partner. Men consider looks more than women and more likely figure on physical attractive more than psychological attributes. Research indicates that looks are not enough for romantic love but as one expects on romantic love personality and psychological qualities play a critical love. Romantic love is a complex idea, understanding the ideas supporting romantic love and happiness predicting the facts that about romantic love march remains a wide field to be versed on (Robin & Pamela, 1994, p. 316).
Does the way individual differ have an impact on romantic love? This can be answered by the personality theory that illustrates the significance of a relationship between perceived attractiveness and personal factors. The questions of personality on romantic love and happiness are diverse and have different views on psychologists. For instance, romantic love can be shared when and the same personality or different personality is shared. Are the personality traits basic components of values and compatibility, demographic factors? Are all these traits important? Well, researchers tried to answer this questions in different opinions, for instance there is a view that supports partners similarity that leads to positive results. This is contrary to the significance of people who have different opinion on the difference on personality in partners. Such a contradiction occurs as a result of inaccurate knowledge of the qualities that they consider in partners. Relating the increase on decision making in the choice of partners, online dating has become a trend where people are searching for romantic love. In this case people read the profiles of the partner have a wide choice of the partner they want and they make the decisions on what to consider.
Many people have included all the dimensions used in the search of perfect partner for romantic love and happiness and most likely the internet has become the most popular means that promises the perfect match. Websites have been created in the middle of creating and enhancing awareness to people that through the use of a particular link the person is subjected to the perfect match. The question still remains, I whether the sprouting internet dating websites have an impact on romantic compatibility. There is a reason to up come with different ideas about romantic compatibility and personality.
Romantic love in teens
Romantic love in teens is a batter in the files. How does romantic love in teens occur? Well, deep in the nature of human being, development of sexual feelings and desire to the opposite sex starts at the adolescent stage and grows worse as a person becomes a teenager at this stage control, counseling is required. Many high school teachers can testify that it is a challenging idea when dealing with romantic love and happiness in teens. For instance, you can find that a girl named Ann loves Steve in one week then next week Ann loves Tonny and the other week she hates both Tonny and Steve and loves Charles. This is the issues that most teens face on romantic love and happiness, most probably you can find girls chatting about the best romantic places and having the best candle lit dinner with the most romantic man in the world. The idea that every teen has in mind is that romantic love is true and it leads to a long term commitment (Shiri, & Hadassah, 2011, p. 1056). It is not a bad idea when they sit and chat about the best romantic picnics in the world, romantic men and women and the emotional fireworks but the question is where such information is retrieved.
The fact is that the media has acted as a link to the teen’s romantic love and happiness. The television programs have become diverse and most teenagers prefer the life of the actors especially when they see that the actors are facing the same experiences they are facing. Just as we say that violence in media works can increase real life e violence therefore it is all the same, romance on television can affect the views of real life romantic love and happiness. In order to understand romantic love and happiness in teenagers it is important we focus on the major important aspects that drive them in such a position. Teen’s relationship is basically convincing meaning that they show few signs of emotional intimacy. Intimacy in teens is only attainable at the later stage of adolescent and is characterized by commitment, trust and effectiveness communication. Romantic relationship in teens is egocentric and motivated by gratification recreation and status attainment. The basic idea of romantic love and happiness in teens is to date the most popular individual in world and have fun.
What are some of the concepts that make people fall in love?
We are human beings and not only the idea of human beings can make is fall in love but the concept that we are either a male or female with intrinsic feelings that have the desire and need a fulfillment (Shiri, & Hadassah, 2011, p. 1055). What happens when we here a person say “why doesn’t he love me” remember the world love has different sequential analysis of its meaning. The dimension that lie such a significance are carried by the rejection of one partner to show love when another partner is giving enough love. We show love so as we can receive love, therefore the reason as to why people fall in love defines the chemistry of romantic love and happiness. If a person doesn’t fall in love with you doesn’t mean that you are an ugly or stupid or poor but the chemistry that underlies romantic love and happiness is not right. There are three principles that support romantic love and happiness in partners, smell, love pheromones and the brain. The smell is the component of romantic love meaning that a person attracts a person with the smell, it is better you smell like a rose rather than mildew. Love pheromones are invisible signs that make people engage or fall in love (Moshe, & Iris, 2008, p. 1684). They are signals sent to the brain and makes is choose what we want in falling love. The brain is also another component because we majorly fall in love due to hormonal secretions. Specific hormones in the brain like oxytocin and vasopressin are present when partners fall in love. That is why there is a trigger in the brain that leads us to fall in love. The significance of romantic love in marriage is broad. Married people have different opinions from single and divorced partners.
Partners that have are close to each other enhance their love and they are more likely to be happy with their relationships (Jens, Amina, & Kai, E. 2010, p. 237). Therefore it means that partners that are near to one another foster union or closeness hence enhancing their well being as opposed to those that are far from one another.
According to the arguments proposed by the divorced people and single people, romantic love and happiness is less satisfying and disappointing at some points. When a person engages in marriages full of love it makes a meaning that all the commitment has to be done despite of personality and other psychological aspects (Gina, Kenneth, & Carol, 2002, p. 839). It is different from the love at first sight, where by a person assumes that all the requirements and desires are fulfilled at the first glance. The basics of romantic love are the compassionate, love passion and commitment in all dynamics to ensure that the relationship lasts for long. It is very difficult for many people to stick in the dynamics that define real romantic love and happiness. Romantic love and happiness is defined by the methods that partners use to stick together.
Conclusion
Even though, there is no guarantee that romantic love leads to happiness, many researchers are of the opinions that most of people in the romantic relationships are happier compared to those outside relationships. Finding time to engage in romantic life is difficult among many people as romantic love is time consuming and engaging. Anthropologist Robin Dunbar with his colleagues notes that romantic love/partnerships reduces a person’s support network as this new relationship requires a member to be pushed out to accommodate the new one. Nevertheless, there is need for people to create time for dating. Hazan found out that people involved in secure romantic relationships are happier and healthier. They are also able to cope up with stress in an effective way than those that are not in the relationship. Therefore, love is one of the components or contributors of happiness (Novotney, A. (2011, para. 8).
References
Gian, C., Martie, G. , Julie, S., Mari sian, D., & Joshua C. (2008). Love, desire, and the suppression of thoughts of romantic alternatives. Evolution and Human Behavior, 29(2): 119-126.
Gina, E., Kenneth, O., & Carol P. (2002). The Personality of Love: Fundamental Motives and Traits Related to Components of Love. Personality and Individual Differences, 32(5): 839-853.
Jens, F., Amina, O., & Kai, E. (2010). How love and lust change people’s perception of relationship partners. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 46(2):237-246.
Johnson, A. (1983). We: Understanding the Psychology of Romantic Love. Harper San Francisco.
Kai, E., & Jens, F. (2011). Seeing love, or seeing lust: How people interpret ambiguous romantic situations. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 47(5):1017-1020.
Lieberman, M.K. (1986). Some Day My Prince Will Come: Female Acculturation through the Fairy Tale In Don’t Bet on the Prince: Contemporary Feminist Fairy Tales in North America and England. Ed. Jack Zipes. New York: Methuen pp. 185-200.
Lopez, S. J. & Snyder, C. R. (2011). The Oxford Handbook of Positive Psychology: Oxford Library of Psychology. New York: Oxford University Press.
Moshe, Z., & Iris K. (2008). Romantic love: What’s emotional intelligence (EI) got to do with it? Personality and Individual Differences, 44(8):1684-1695.
Novotney, A. (2011). The dating dilemma: Do psychology graduate students know too much about love and relationships for their own good? Or does that extra insight help?, American Psychology association.
Robin, R., & Pamela, W. (1994). Predictors of happiness in married couples. Personality and Individual Differences, 17(3):313-321.
Shiri, L., & Hadassah, L. (2011). All you need is love? Strengths mediate the negative associations between attachment orientations and life satisfaction. Personality and Individual Differences, 50(7):1050-1055.
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